Can You Hear Me Now? Nope, Because You Stole My Phone!

I was a part of an adventure that was not supposed to happen. The way thing were supposed to work out looks something like this. Student steals a teacher’s cell phone, doesn’t get caught and then gets to look at the teaching and silently celebrate giving him the BUSINESS! “Muuuahahahahaha”(in that villainous laughter voice). Well folks that’s not how this story is about to go down.

So being the “Changing the World One Child at a Time” type of teacher that I am, I pissed off yet another student and this clown stole my phone out of my office.  Moments after the incident all of the wannabe O.G. Tickle Me Elmo baby thugs sitting in my after school detention threw him directly under the big back tires of the bus as soon as I made mention of contacting the Popo.  I wanted to bring this case to a close as quick as possible so I logged on to my trusty Lookout Mobile Security(Wow this app is the truth) and I was able to track the phone directly to the address of it's current location.

I hoped that by reaching out to the child's mother we could recover my phone quickly and issue consequence and move on with life but there wasn't much traction there so I reluctantly reached out to the boys in blue.  I knew my window of opportunity to recover the phone was less than 24 hours because anyone with internet access can Google “jail break a phone” and find instruction on how to bypass screen locked pass codes quicker than Kendrick Lemar can make rappers start proof reading and revising their rhymes.  

This seemingly quick process was about to be prolonged. I contacted the police and gave them the details about the incident and the location of my phone. The officer on the phone went on to explain that I had to be within two blocks of the location of the phone for them to meet up with me and go retrieve it. Here's where things got tricky. My car was in the shop so I needed to get 10 miles across town really fast at night time.

No problem! I rode my bike to a friends place and borrowed her car and then I was en-route to go recapture my phone. Skurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr(sound of tires screeching as I sped off)! I followed the cops’ directions and parked two blocks from the tracked address of my phone and called them so we could rendezvous. I felt like a sitting duck just waiting to get his feathers plucked in this seedy parking lot at night in New Orleans East!

After two hours of impatiently waiting,  I said “Bump it!” and I drove  to location of the phone and just shot the dice and hoped for the best. I made it to the door, only to learn that this couple didn't know anything about my phone or who took it.  I wanted to believe them but I couldn't get over the results of the tracker.  

Another hour and a half later the cops showed up at that same shady parking lot that I returned to after my failed attempt to recover the phone. The officer looked disgusted as he exited his vehicle to approach me. I could all but read his mind through his facial expression which suggested that I was out of my mind to make such a ridiculous and pointless call to the station to enlist his assistance in recovering my phone.

Reluctantly he heard my request and hopped back in his patrol call and I followed him to the location designated on my  tracker. He knocked on the door and this time the man I had previously spoken with through the door came outside and he remembered me. This brother was so cooperative I wanted to slap myself. I told him the situation with the student stealing my phone and how it was tracked to his address. He invited me to search his property. By this time I felt foolish and ashamed of myself for having this elderly man out of his home after midnight.

Suddenly idea hit me like a grape juice stain on a Sunday’s best shirt after communion.  There was a tool on the app that would cause the phone to 'SCREAM' if we were near it. My only remaining hurdle was that my phone had died so I needed to access wifi in order to use the function on my labtop. In the words of one of my coworkers "Look at God"!  The kind gentleman who's sleep I had rudely interrupted explained that he had internet access and he would gladly connect me to it! BooYow!  Within seconds of my Tango dance with technology, I hit the ‘SCREAM’ icon and we heard the alarm on the phone and walked directly too it!

My thieving Tiny Toon Adventure Thug student had placed the phone under the windshield wiper blade of this man's car and rolled out. We all shook hands and I was on my way to go return the truck to my friend Danielle and make that final bike ride home. Oh yeah that final ride home with my phone I might add! Well this concludes our story and begins another saga! Time to plan some enriching activities for a young man who will be in detention for the next two weeks enjoying the benefits of Quality Time with Coach Briggs. Until next time..."Can you hear me now?" 

Yuck Mouth Mammas Mold Ratchet Lil Rascals!

I walked to Family Dollar after a long day in the school house. All I could think about was sweeping and mopping my floor with Lavender Clean Pine-Sol! That fragrance takes me to a mental plane of peace and tranquility. I guess I inherited that cleaning away the stress spirit from my mother. With that being said, I made it to the store and found the Pine-Sol and some Lavender air fresheners to match. Winning in a weird Better Homes and Gardens kind of way. 

I navigated through the see of shoppers, workers and talkers and found a spot in line. Roughly 20 feet from where I was standing there stood this woman whose physical description would be so stereotypical of stunt double for Judge Joe Brown or Jerry Springer so I will omit all of the "Turn Up Tales" leading up to a description that I would eventually have to repent for offering. Unfortunately my ears heard her long before my eyes had the pleasure of making contact with her. Needless to say the Weapon of Mass Destruction between her two cigarette, Black & Mild or blunt smoking lips went on a mission to annihilate and in moment’s notice it did just that. 

We walked out of the door a few steps behind them and I watch at the oldest little boy struggle to open the door for her. The two little boys and one girl were all smiles and giggles and he continued to lose the battle of the store door. In a matter of seconds her lethal lips parted and shots rang out of self-esteem ripping rhetoric, "Look at yo weak ass!" I had to catch myself because my flesh began to crawl like roaches on the filthy refrigerator of trifling tenants in a trashed tenement. I was ready to rebuke this sister but with language even more fowl that the word choices that she assaulted that precious little boy in his preadolescence. 

Before my left food could reach the sidewalk round 2 had already begun. As they all walked away she just refused to let that struggle of the door go. "Damn you a Bitch!"  "Move Stupid!" I tried to make sense out of her life struggle and give her the benefit of the doubt but she hadn't cut that lil guy any slack. She went into attack mode right in front of his siblings. And we wonder how children can go to school and curse out a teacher, counselor or administrator without even blinking. It's not hard to curse out a teacher or two when you are daily facing the likes of the Family Dollar Profane Poisonous Parental Figure! 

It shouldn’t surprise you when you hear children quoting Lil Wayne on the radio as he says things like, "Lil Tunchi got that fire and hoes love me like Satan." Or when there are singing on the school bus or in the car with their parents quoting Juicy J and making references to "Swallowing Babies." We are in a serious war zone and we as parents have to make sure that we are not only caring for our children and training them up in "The Way" that they should go but also that we are living the example for them and other people's children as well. We have no other choice but to pick up the slack for the parents who are not handling their business. I can only pray that I will have another opportunity to reach out to the little boy from Family Dollar. 

At the end of the day all of these children are sponges and they are soaking up all of their life experiences every day. We better pray, hope and help them soak up some Truth, Joy, Integrity, Peace and Love because if we don't when the pressures of like squeeze them to their breaking point what will come out in desperation is all that they have soaked up!  Love Blessings and Peace. 

A Dope Fiend Tried to Steal my Smile!!!

Friday August 9th at approximately I don't know exactly what time it was but it was late and dark outside. My son and I had just returned home from the Saints pregame against the KC Chiefs. We spent the evening laughing and making lifelong memories as we enjoyed the adventures of Father & Son, unofficial superheroes for hire. We made videos on the way to the game then took pictures as we watched New Orleans pride and joy defeat the challenger. As we walked back to the car we both anticipated getting home and creating a pool fool of almond milk for our Oreo Cookies( traditional chocolate and the new golden ones too) to dive in as we shared even more laughs and good times.

The reality of our living conditions came back to haunt us and remind us that we were in fact inhabitants of the ghetto! As usual darkness from city official ignored broken street lights forced the shadows to grow into giants of gloom which towered over our homes and forced any resemblance of safety and security to disappear. The blighted house next door resembles paradise for squatters and addicts looking for a place to sleep, smoke or shoot up. Our former next door neighbors in our duplex, who were illegally stealing our electricity, had finally moved out in an effort to avoid paying three months of past due rent so the sight of a image near our home gave me cause for alarm.

Just as we pulled up to the house, I spotted a freshly zooted out of her mind heroin addict who appeared to be moving in slow motion. She was sitting in the dark on the porch of the freshly evacuated side of the double shotgun house that we temporarily call home and I was not in the mood for any hood shenanigans! Her faced shined from profuse sweating in the New Orleans humidity and the whites of her eyes were completely reddish brown and glazed over. Her appearance and posture made me question if I was going to have to hit her with the truck and pray about it after the fact. She wore a dingy black t-shirt and some old jeans and she sat slumped over on the steps with a bottle in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I was scanning every inch of her body for a bulge that may resemble a pistol or rifle. But if she had a weapon she was about to spend some quality time with the Bone beloved, 'Uncle Charles'  because if I noticed one false move she was "gonna miss everybody..." as she made her way to the oops he just hit me with the truck 'CrossRoads'.

I didn't notice any resemblance of a weapon so I told my son to stay inside just in case and I proceeded to hop out of the truck ready for whatever as I made my way to my porch. Oddly enough she was watching me as I was watching her in this strange eye to eye contact dance that we were incidentally involved in. Without hesitation  I spoke first, "Are you alright?" Her sluggish and slurred response was, "You ain't gotta worry bout me!" All I could think to myself was what in life went so wrong that she ended up like this. I wondered if she was the person so took a crap on the side of our home and left the toilet paper on sidewalk right next to the empty plastic liquor bottle?? I wondered if she was the person my son saw snorting blow in front of our home a few weeks ago when I asked him to take out the trash.

 I walked back out to the truck and told my son  to come on. He and I walked in the house as her eyes followed us to the door. I closed and locked the door then turned on the porch light to hopefully kill her buzz and cause her to flee like a roach in a project kitchen when somebody hit's the light switch. After I sat down on the couch I knew I had messed up. Next time I see a dope fiend on my porch I'm going to have revival with them and pray that I blow their vibe! I learned a valuable lesson that night. Ministry doesn't always have to equate to family vulnerability. My son and I are moving at the end of this school year.